What is the 'next right thing'?
On living the AA way
The other day, I was sitting in my favourite coffee shop by my flat working, as I always do. Every day, I come in, order ‘the usual’, and sit at my table in the back corner. I stay all day, keeping an 8am-4pm work schedule, trying to keep my days structured.
The coffee shop is a beautiful one, nestled between a Chinese takeaway and a hardware store. It has art all over the walls from nights where people come in and sip delicious wine from all around the world and paint on little canvases. They’ve made a community here, in this little pocket of London, where I come in each morning, regale the baristas with tales of the night before, chat with the teachers who come in to grab eye-openers before school starts, and pet the same little grey terrier who waits patiently for his mom to grab her daily tea.
I was sitting at my same back table when I overheard a conversation between two friends grabbing a coffee across from me. I have this horrible habit of eavesdropping. I shouldn’t, but I like to think it’s a side effect of being a writer, that I am searching for stories even in the unlikeliest of strangers.
These girls were around my age, early to mid-twenties, wearing trendy threadbare shrugs and barrel jeans and butterfly hair clips. I’m not totally sure what they were talking about (I don’t listen that intently to other people’s conversations), but one remark had me pulling out an airpod to hear more.
“You’re just trying to find the next right thing,” one girl said to the other, setting her coffee cup on the table with a clunk. “You can’t be perfect. There’s too much going on, just focus on one thing at a time.”
When I immediately Googled “what is the next right thing” out of curiosity, this popped up:
So I'll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
And with the dawn, what comes then
When it's clear that everything will never be the same again?
Then I'll make the choice
To hear that voice
And do the next right thing-“The Next Right Thing” by Kristen Bell as Anna, Frozen 2
Sometimes life is thrust upon us and we have no choice in it, so we must choose the next right thing even if we’re “stumbling blindly toward the light.”
My grandfather was an alcoholic. He got sober when my mom was eleven. His getting sober heavily involved Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Step program, wherein you go through twelve steps that ideally lead to sobriety and a rebuilding of your life — of yourself. After, though, is the hard part. It’s a continuous choice, to stay sober. In AA they have this concept of ODAAT — one day at a time.
According to the James Haggerty Recovery Center, “If you can learn to focus on now and not stress over the future or past, then you’ll remember to enjoy life as we know it... AA emphasizes remaining sober for the next 24 hours instead of worrying about the rest of your life.” You must take your days one at a time, considering the immediate choices, being present in them. No two days are the same, and you can’t control tomorrow’s problems with today’s actions (as much as we’d like to believe we can. Trust me, I’m shaking my head as I write this).
When I think of these concepts—of ‘next right thing’ and ‘one day at a time’—I am reminded of my final year of uni. It was a struggle. I was stressed out of my mind, I was applying to graduate school, I was trying to enact change in the programme I was running, I wasn’t satisfied in my social life, I was writing my thesis, I was dealing with the aftermath of a traumatic car accident, I was working a part-time job and an internship, I was trying to figure out the next steps of my life, I was twenty-two (and not in a fun Taylor Swift way). I spent my days in coffee shops and the library and my one-bedroom off-campus apartment — alone.
I felt like I was dying inside, like some deep part of me was shrivelling up and threatening to crawl out of my throat. Every day felt longer than the last, more exhausting, more draining, more disheartening. I kept looking to my future, thinking, What is the point if it will always be like this?
Then, I started seeing a therapist who taught me to take things in chunks. “Don’t try to deal with it all at once,” she’d say, “your head can only hold so much.”
I tend to look at the big picture of my life as if I have already seen the ending (and ten or fifteen alternate endings). It’s an addiction of its own, this cycle of misery I create for myself. I bog myself down with fear and worry, thinking I’ve made a million mistakes and I’m going to make a million more and how can I ever get to where I want to be if I don’t skyrocket now and do this thing, and this one, and this one, and this one, and…
Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise, and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, do the next thing.
-Ye Nexte Thynge by Eleanor Amerman Sutphen, published in 1897
My grandad used to say, calling on his AA training, “One at a time.”
Sometimes, when I feel overwhelmed, I have to focus on what is the next right thing. I have to work one day at a time, the AA way. What is the next choice I am making, immediately? What does my one day look like? How can I be happy for the next 24 hours?
It’s much easier said than done, but I try, nonetheless.
Tomorrow is out of my control. It’s a fact I’ve recently tried to come to grips with. Let’s just say, I have an issue with letting go. I am a perfectionist, and I want my life to look exactly as I imagine it right now and if it’s not right now, then my brain seems to think that means it will never get there. But, I have been trying to live on a 24-hour clock, to make decisions in the present. All I can control are my choices — I can’t control how others react to them or how the world rejects or accepts me.
It’s absolutely horrifying, don’t get me wrong. I’m a great preacher — very adept at giving other people advice and never following it myself. But I also believe in the divine, in fate, and I believe I was meant to overhear that conversation, to think about the next right thing.
Right now, I am facing the inevitability of leaving London later this summer. It feels very wrong. Every bone in my body is screaming against it, yet every external factor is telling me it is time, at least for now. I really do believe I will end up here again (British visa system willing please), hopefully in the not-so-distant future (crossing all my fingers and toes), but for now, I think my ‘next right thing’ is waiting for me back home, to build my career, my life, to come back stronger, more prepared.
Honestly, I’m scared. Things might never be the same, but I must keep walking, keep focusing on whatever that next right thing is, living 24 happy hours at a time.
For the time being, I am living the AA way, taking one day at a time, cherishing each moment I have with my wonderful friends in the city I adore so much. I don’t know what the next right thing will be tomorrow or next week or next month or next year, but I know I will find it — I know my ‘right’ decisions will lead me exactly where I am meant to be. How exciting that is, really, to know there will be so much more good to come, that the next right thing might be right around the corner and I don’t even know what it is.
All I can do is take it as it comes. That is being present, being grounded, having faith.
Isn’t that just life, anyway?
On the first of May, I hopped on a plane back home to Houston for a week to attend the wedding of one of my closest childhood friends. Her wedding was absolutely gorgeous, complete with koozies to take home and Taylor Swift blasting at the reception. As soon as my friend walked down the aisle, I began crying. I didn’t anticipate crying, but when I saw her in her white dress, all I could think of was us laying on the trampoline in middle school, staring up at the sun, and talking about her future wedding. She had been dreaming of that day our entire lives, and I was so honored to be part of it. Congratulations to Abbey and Mason!
Being home was immensely needed, more than I thought it was. It was so nice to relax my shoulders and feel like, for the first time in years, I wasn’t in survival mode.
I got Mexican food and time with my friends and fondue with my family. It was a needed reset. Time home is invaluable (though I might be having a lot more of it soon)!
My incredible city, oh how you sparkle in the spring! May in London was absolutely stunning, as she always is. We had garden parties and long nights out and concerts and brand shoots and a million other wonderful moments!
My favourite event of May was a grill party my flat hosted! We grilled burgers and skewers and basked in the sun with all of our closest friends. I always love when I can gather lots of my friends in one place. All of my friends seemed to be scattered across the world, and it’s such a privilege to be able to be with some of them in one spot! It was brilliant!
I am very lucky to have many wonderful friends all over the world though, in London and beyond! I just wish I could keep us all in one place❤️🩹
Unfortunately, I will be returning to the US at the end of the summer. I hope and pray without ceasing that I can come back to London soon. I’m crying every day. Okay with it one second, depressed the next. I am devastated. There are no other words for it.
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London, I love you, please don’t forget it.
Some other highlights from this month include:
My radio show featured several literary women this month.
My dissertation cramming is in full swing. June is the month to finish it up!!!
In beauty this month, rather than discuss my favourites (which have not changed in months, I am afraid), I want to discuss the recent acquisition of Rhode for $1 billion. Yes, billion with a B.
Rhode was founded by Hailey Bieber in 2022. Now, how does a business climb to a valuation of $1 billion in just 3 years? I’ll tell you: a cult social media following, being born a nepo baby, a marriage to Justin Bieber, and a killer community-driven instinct. Rhode has carved its own place in the beauty space, selling the image of who girls want to be, not unlike the image Glossier once portrayed to its audience a decade ago.
After sitting in a reading slump for months, I have finally finished Edna O’Brien’s The Country Girls and am ready to move on to the next thing (though I think a lot of my reading for the month of June will be focused on my dissertation as I complete it — due July 1 AHH!)
I think I will be giving The Country Girls its own dedicated post, but for now, I give it a 5/5. Raw, real, heartbreaking, and so funny I was giggling on the tube reading. Have tissues close by, though!
In the month of May, I didn’t spend much time in front of the TV, but when I did, I watched some incredible programs. One of which is Benito Skinner’s new show Overcompensating, which is so good I’ve watched it twice! It’s about a high school football star in his freshman year of college. But — spoiler alert — he’s majorly closeted. The show follows his journey of navigating college, his sexuality, and everything in between. Gasp, laugh, cringe! 5/5!
I also watched Four Seasons. It’s a show about a group of friends and their trips together and just their lives. I don’t want to spoil it. Watch it yourself (then watch the film it’s based on!) 5/5
Other than that, though, I have been watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race All-Stars and Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga. Silly and fun film, always a great rewatch for me when I need to turn my brain off.
In May, I listened to a slew of different music on repeat. I cried to Christian music in my bedroom and danced to Lola Young in my living room and parodied Katy Perry in my back garden. It was a hard month. But it was good. And the music was even better.
The month of May for pop culture was jam-packed. The Met Gala, Mummy Pig (of Peppa Pig fame) having a baby, Taylor Swift purchasing her masters, a new Pope and more!
Let’s start with the Met Gala. This year, the theme was Superfine: Tailoring Black Style. I think overall, the execution of this theme was not on par with what I was expecting. However, there were some looks I loved including Zendaya in Louis Vuitton, Colman Domingo in Valentino, and Janelle Monaé in Thom Browne.
One of my favourite things about the UK is how silly they are, and that includes how they celebrated the birth of a cartoon pig. She was apparently born in the same hospital the royals like. Congrats, Mummy Pig!
Now, one of the most important moments of May, TAYLOR SWIFT BOUGHT BACK HER MASTERS! It’s been a long time coming, and I for one am so excited to listen to her entire discography knowing she owns it!
Also, we got a new Pope! An American from Chicago! Congrats to all my Catholics out there; he seems like a good guy!
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.
-Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
I am afraid that come the end of summer, these newsletters might get a little boring. I have taken a marketing internship with a company in America I am super excited about, and I will definitely be detailing that, but I will also be returning to Texas (though not forever). My London section might lie dormant for a long while.
It is scary and daunting. My biggest fear is getting stuck back home, having no way back here.
I am feeling more and more positive, though. I keep thinking of the late Anthony Bourdain and one of his fantastic quotes: “If I'm an advocate for anything, it's to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. The extent to which you can walk in someone else's shoes or at least eat their food, it's a plus for everybody.” I think moving is powerful, keeps you alive like a shark. I’ve done it almost every year for the past six years — what’s a few more? I refuse to settle. One day I’ll ‘settle down’, I’m sure, but, right now, it’s not time for that. Movement, change, is the only way to grow. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
I’m excited to see what I’ll grow into, who I’ll be after all of this. I can’t wait to meet her.
Xoxo,
Liv
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